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Tag: random dungeon finder

Boob Tank

Boob Tank

I love learning new phrases to describe squishy tanks!

Random Dungeon - 1

“Its not my healing youre squishy as some fake tits.”

Random Dungeon - 2

“Excuse me but fake tits are actually more firm.”

Lulz. Priceless!

Morthos of Deathwing

Morthos of Deathwing

In spite of my previous post, I managed to muster the courage to run a random Heroic and had my guildie Hellchild with me. Thankfully, it wasn’t Grim Batol but Lost City of Tol’vir.

Only to encounter this arrogant Recount-obsessed man whore named Morthos from the Deathwing server. He kept spamming Recount after every fight. And after his last spam, he very charmingly yelled “C-C-C-CARRIED” thrice, then like the coward that he was, left party because anyone could retort.

Morthos - Deathwing

Morthos - Deathwing 2

I have the last laugh, Morthos. You just earned a special place in my Death Knight Diaries Hall of Shame. You, sir, just gave me license to expose your shoddy attitude and post it for posterity. Lowlives like you are the reason the WoW community has turned into a toxic cesspool.

Your DPS must be the only good thing about your life. I really feel sorry for you, man.

 

This Is Why I Hardly Run Heroic Cataclysm Dungeons These Days

This Is Why I Hardly Run Heroic Cataclysm Dungeons These Days

I wonder how Ghostcrawler is doing these days. I’d like to personally give him and his guys my thanks for making Cata Heroics so brutally unforgiving, that a fresh-for-heroics tank and healer have a learning curve of Biblical proportions to deal with, at the mercy of DPS like me.

/end sarcasm

Recount - Deaths

Yes, folks, that’s 10 deaths. In Grim Batol, no less. No, I didn’t stay for an eleventh death. I wanted my Valor Points but hell, I am not so desperate as to endure more wipes. I think I exercised more than enough patience and generosity with my time with a tank who can’t keep aggro or a healer who’s still practicing to heal in heroics — people I will never see again.

I am not one to explode after one wipe and declare “YOU SUCK!”  All of us had to learn the fights, it wasn’t something we were born knowing; hence, I am sympathetic to those who step in and admit that it’s their first time to tank or heal (or even DPS) in a particular heroic. I admire players who try and give it their best, but sometimes their best isn’t good enough.

Because Cata Heroics have become like mini-raids. Too much trash, too much going on, too much of a time-sink, too much of everything.

Yeah, yeah I know what you Blizz fanbois are saying: L2P and play with your own guildies or GTFO. Hey dudes, I know my class. I am more than willing to research and execute the fights properly. I jump out of shit on the floor as fast as my latency would allow me. And I have time to invest in these bloody mini-raids. But you see, not everyone has the luxury of time, and not everyone has guildies who are always online who can group up with you for your Valor Point runs. The majority of people who sustain this game are casual players – not all of them highly skilled or fast learners, yet who still deserve to have a go at higher level content but continue to be alienated by the harsh heroic dungeon mechanics, and at times, the harsh and toxic attitudes of elitist jerks they meet in the Random Dungeon Finder.

Again, I want my Valor Points but I am not a f*cking masochist.

Sigh, I wish Bloodsoed/Woody was back from work. I need my pocket healer badly!

Who Loves Piggy?!

Who Loves Piggy?!

I meet the most interesting people via the Random Dungeon Finder system, I kid you not.

And today, I had the (dubious) honor of being grouped with Borean Tundra’s most notorious Trade Chat troll, Funnypiggy!

Funnypiggy - 1

Yes, I told myself, I finally get to run with a Legend!!!

Too bad he died within the first 2 minutes of the fight.

Funnypiggy - 2

And I failed to see why he would need on a green item.

Funnypiggy - 3

Then he just started slacking off in the DPS department until the tank flipped a wig and voted to kick him out of the group.

Funnypiggy - 4

Aaaaaw, I didn’t get to do one full run with Piggy. Damn.

Don’t worry, Piggy, I’ll devote a future post to your notoriety greatness. Been meaning to do that the last several weeks but you see, there was always something else cropping up that merited a post ASAP.

Keep trolling Borean Tundra’s Trade Chat! WE LOVE YOU!

33 Health Left

33 Health Left

I don’t have screenshots but believe me when I say that I was the only one alive when our random dungeon group completed Heroic – Halls of Reflection.

And I had 33 HP left.

Yup, you read that right. THIRTY-THREE.

My guildie Bloodsoed was tank. Greaterbster, also from Borean Tundra, was heals.

Grndsnfr of Hydraxis was RDPS and Wrathi of Quel’dorei was MDPS.

Party started dying one after the other in the last wave. I popped Army of the Dead and Vampiric Blood. I spammed Death Strike when it was available. I nearly had cardiac arrest.

33 HP. Good thing I didn’t have a DOT on me, because that was cutting it really close.

There ought to be an achievement for that.

Intermission: One Rude Tank and One Sick Couple

Intermission: One Rude Tank and One Sick Couple

My buddy mage Bloodsoe, who recently hit 80, invited me to a random where we had the misfortune of grouping with the tank from hell.

Or should I say the tank from white trash hell.

Now in spite of my potty-mouthed hissy-fits here on my website, I am by nature BIG ON BASIC COURTESY. That means being polite and considerate even to people whom you may not bump into again in future random runs. In my books, the onus is on the tank to make sure no one is overlooked or overwhelmed. That means checking mana levels of casters and healers, taking a quick poll if they should skip the next boss or not, and pulling a mob size commensurate with the DPS and healer’s capabilities. Seriously, those actions don’t require one to be a rocket scientist, just a fundamentally good person with common sense.

Unfortunately, Vostok of Rivendare was neither good nor in possession of common sense. What she did possess though was a shitty arrogant attitude and an equally shitty Gear Score (think 1K below mine). If she (or he) and I dueled, I could send that stupid little pally flying all the way back to the Ming dynasty in 30 seconds.

Just take a look at her intro below. Not a single hi or hello, just three lines of retarded, condescending bossiness:

Vostok - Rivendare

Bloodsoe knew I could be combative when miffed and combative I did get when the tank made us take the unconventional route to the next boss. The other DPS and I got confused and didn’t know where the rest of the party went. Vostok called for us to “hurry the f*ck up” and was even charming enough to count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (she could count backwards, beat that!) , saying “hurry up retards!” after 1.

She then charged into the next boss, unmindful that an assload of mobs descended upon us, and nearly got us killed in the process.

After downing the boss with 30% of my health intact, I blew a gasket and said “WTF was that, you stupid @#$%?!”

I wasn’t proud of my vocabulary that day but that moment, I just had to let go of my manners and good breeding.

Vostok coolly replied, “What’s wrong? You’re still alive right?”

Now that only served to fuel the fire. I let out a stream of invectives that would make a sailor blush and left the party. Bloodsoe followed suit.

“Excuse me, bud,” I said.

I logged out of my hunter, switched to the Rivendare server, rolled a level 1 toon, and whispered Vostok to give up playing WoW and focus instead on inbreeding.

Oh, and speaking of inbreeding, or rather what may be the effects of inbreeding…

Earlier today my best buddy Denefblah played his alt Restoblah, a tank druid. He queued himself up in the random dungeon finder and got the shock of his life when he found himself partied up with the two people on Borean Tundra who have the dubious honor of being on my ignore list — Dkkarz (who was on her alt Druidkarz) and her husband who was on his alt Roloc.

Roloc - Blah Random

What are the f*cking chances…

Anyway, Den was tank, the ho was heals and her hubby DPS. It should have been a textbook, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary run when the husband suddenly whispered this to Den:

Roloc - Borean Tundra - pervert

That wasn’t all that the crude son of a bitch said to him. He also said:

“I like a man who’s built like a bull” and “Want to touch my staff?”

I could picture Den wincing during the run but to me, that shouldn’t come as a shocker anymore. When I was still friends with him and his dumpy bag of a wife, I used to run randoms with him on his pally Dubon. And how did Dubon greet me everytime I logged into the game?

“Penis.”

That’s right. He didn’t say hello or hi. He said “Penis”. Penis this and penis that.

That must be how hillbillies greet their daughters good morning before they proceed to molest them.

I wonder if he knows that, in the not-too-distant past, his wife found Denefblah very attractive (she saw his Facebook pics) and wondered out loud to me what it would be like to engage in a quickie with him.

Honey, that ain’t a quickie, that’s called statutory rape.